Child Again

I have a song from NEEDTOBREATHE that will occasionally get stuck in my head. The title, Child Again, really says it all, but the lyrics elaborate clearly.

I want to know it’s safe to be a child again.

I know that getting hurt, is really how redemption works.

I don’t want to run from pain.

You know I can’t afford to cheapen grace.

I know that pain means my soul’s awake.

I want to know it is safe to be a child again.

How many of us can relate to these lyrics? Pain is a walk in darkness. The heart has to disbelieve what is happening, disbelieve the senses, to press on in hope. All the while, the head is presenting information from the senses which can lead to conclusions such as “this situation is hopeless” or “I will not get through this struggle.” Why would we “come to our senses” when the stimuli of the senses is painful? In the noise of life, relaxation can be tough to find and even more difficult to find consistently when life is full of pain whether that is physical, emotional or a combination of the two. If you live with kids, they are the constant reminder that we are to become children (like them) in the presence of the God who created us to be His.

Our Father is not removed from our suffering, and He has already bore the greatest suffering. Christ hugged His suffering for our sake. I don’t want to hug suffering, but it clings to me nonetheless. Day to day living will do that. If my suffering will come and go, what does not come and go? My habits do not come and go on their own. Habits are cultivated with or without awareness, but habits are present, nonetheless. You are known by your family in part from your habits and you know them by their habits. Some of those habits, especially with your kids, you look forward to and some you don’t. We are bid to offer our concerns to Our Father as a child, again (and again as many times as we have need), but practicing the right habit here can be very difficult.

I love praying with my kids when it is easy, but I have found more learning about Christ and His desires for me when my kids and I pray with Him in my personal suffering. He meets me there, waiting to show me the way through it only if I meet Him there ready to show Him where I am in the suffering. The habit of suffering in front of Him in prayer is one I have to cultivate. The habit of suffering in front of Him and my kids is even more a habit I have to diligently cultivate. The experience is one of vulnerability, and it helps me remember what my kids feel like around myself and their dad. It is similar to a Doctor who must maintain a “practice.” He or she sees patients, sometimes with the same problems over and over, to maintain the skills to deliver competent diagnosis and treatment. Each case, each suffering, requires diligent attention. It is tiresome and painful, and the habit to attend, to really be in the thick of the experience does not end. Is it safe to be a child again, to pray diligently and ask faithfully, even when there is pain?

Who knows what today will bring? Will I encounter a suffering that will encourage me in my habit of praying through it with my kids? Or will it encourage the habit of avoidance and encourage my kids to to do the same when they suffer in similar ways? Habits are caught and not taught. When my kids are adults, what will they do in times of suffering? Where will their childlike faith go? I know it is difficult to share suffering in meaningful ways, but in sharing, suffering develops meaning both to me and my kids. When I walk the suffering path and my kids accompany me, they see the path is not so scary and can be traversed with Christ alongside us all. He is real and true. He is here waiting not just on our good days, but most especially on our hardest days. He, who overcame all the world, suffered the most from it. We are infinitely blessed, because we have a God who joins us in our suffering and was willing to suffer the most of all for us. Who else has a god as good as Our Father?

“Child Again,” reminds me of the essence of experiencing Christ in suffering.

I want to see your heart

through my younger eyes

I want to hear your voice

In the rain and wind

I want to know it’s safe to be

a child again.

Be a child, again. It starts as a habit, then it becomes a reality.